


A Visit from (St.) Nicholas, Or: Tony Stark's Night Before Christmas

by teaberryblue



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Christmas, Gen, Parody, Poetry, Rhyme, Satire, the night before Christmas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-25
Updated: 2013-12-25
Packaged: 2018-01-06 01:44:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1100945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teaberryblue/pseuds/teaberryblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merry Christmas, everyone!!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Visit from (St.) Nicholas, Or: Tony Stark's Night Before Christmas

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [1796 Broadway](https://archiveofourown.org/works/972937) by [rainproof](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainproof/pseuds/rainproof), [teaberryblue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/teaberryblue/pseuds/teaberryblue). 



_Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Tower_  
The only thing stirring was my whiskey sour  
The stockings were hung on the flatscreen with care,  
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.

 _The robots were nestled all snug in their docks,_  
With visions of spark plugs and refurbished shocks.  
Natalie-from-Legal, Hawkguy, Bruce, and Cap,  
Had just settled their brains for a long winter’s nap.

 _When out on the roof there arose such a ruckus,_  
I sprang from the bar and said gee, golly, fuck us.  
Away to the penthouse I flew in my suit,  
Hid my stolen files and contraband loot.

 _The moon on the spire of my new rooftop deck_  
Was as bright as mid-day and I said, "What the heck?"  
When, what else could breach my armed defense barrier,  
But a quinjet leading a bigass helicarrier.

 _With a brash old director, so lively and quick,_  
I knew in a moment it wasn't _that _Nick.__  
Rappelling on cables, his agents they came,  
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

 _"Now Rollins! now, Sitwell! Fitz-Simmons and Coulson!_  
On, Hill, May and Rumlow! on Carter and Wilson!  
To the top of the roof! to the top of the wall!  
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

 _As trickster-gods with scepters crash into the floor,_  
When they meet with an obstacle, say, maybe, Thor.  
So down to the roof-top the agents they dropped,  
Armed with guns, knives, and swords, and one big riding crop.

 _And then, in a twinkling, I heard in my abode_  
Someone who had cracked my security code.  
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,  
Up behind me damn Nick Fury came with a bound.

 _He was dressed all in black, from his head to his foot,_  
In a trench coat and boots both the color of soot.  
A bundle of weapons were flung on his back,  
And he looked like could do me in with one whack.

 _His eye-how it twinkled! his scars, oh how dashing!_  
His cheekbones like razors, his teeth sharp and flashing!  
His grim little mouth was a line, firm and regal,  
And the top of his head was as bald as an eagle.

 _The stump of cigar he held tight in his teeth,_  
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.  
He had a broad face and one damn bigass gun,  
That seemed ripe to take out ten men, set to stun!

 _He was muscled and tall, with shoulders like a shelf,_  
And I nearly pissed the suit, in spite of myself!  
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,  
Soon filled me with the chill of an unearthly dread.

 _He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,_  
And filled all the stockings but mine-- what a jerk.  
He gave me the finger, and then thumbed his nose  
And giving a nod, to the helicarrier rose!

 _He sprang to his post, to his team, cool as ice,_  
He gave orders to raise up the cloaking device.  
But I heard him exclaim as they vanished in the dark,  
"Happy Christmas to all, 'cept to you, Tony Stark!"

 

 

  



End file.
